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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28334079">Flowers Lose Their Shape</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonderwalker/pseuds/sonderwalker'>sonderwalker</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abuse, Anakin Skywalker Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Child Abuse, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Gaslighting, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Padawan Anakin Skywalker, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Whump, imposter syndrome, please read the tags</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:40:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,235</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28334079</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonderwalker/pseuds/sonderwalker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Anakin Skywalker is twelve years old when he first meets Chancellor Palpatine. And he's twelve years old when he first realizes that life on Coruscant is far darker than he ever imagined that it could be, despite all of the stories he heard. He's twelve years old when he learns that something don't work the way that he thought that they did, and that other things don't seem to change, regardless of where he was.<br/>He was always calling someone master. And he was usually dealing with the consequences of his mistakes.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Barriss Offee &amp; Anakin Skywalker, Darth Sidious &amp; Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi &amp; Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi &amp; Mace Windu, Sheev Palpatine &amp; Anakin Skywalker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>154</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>290</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Lily of the Valley</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>from a prompt in the new sw canon discord server where palpatine begins to not only emotional but also physically abuse anakin starting when he's 12 and it gets to a point where it's so bad that his body just gives out on him one day, revealing many hidden truths about several different people. each chapter is going to be named after a different flower.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Why are you interested in meeting with Skywalker?” Mace asked as they overlooked the training session that was taking place. He and the Chancellor watched as Anakin took on a droid that was designed to fight like Maul, and he held up against it better than most of his peers.</p><p>“Young Skywalker seems as though he needs guidance.” The Chancellor replied with a slight smile.</p><p>“I was once a young boy, I know how… troubling these times can be.”</p><p>But Mace frowned at those words. “Knight Kenobi is more than capable of providing guidance to his apprentice.” He pointed out. They both watched as Anakin blocked another strike from the droid.</p><p>“Why Skywalker specifically?” Mace asked as they continued to watch the training session below.</p><p>“Truthfully, I see a lot of myself in him.” The Chancellor replied with a slight chuckle. “I know it may sound strange, but it’s true.”</p><p>“I see.” Mace said, narrowing his eyes and looking at the Chancellor. “Skywalker is a… troubled child.” Mace began cautiously.</p><p>“His past is not like the other children that we have taken in.” He continued. “We fear that it has left permanent marks on him and hinders his ability to let go.”</p><p>“Which is precisely why he may need someone outside of the temple to mentor him.” The Chancellor countered. “I am personally invested in the Jedi order, not just as Chancellor, but ensuring that it’s members are more than fit to serve and protect the republic.” They both turned when they heard a sudden crash and watched as the droid that Anakin was fighting fell to the ground.</p><p>“His skills are impressive, especially for someone of his age.” Mace said, watching as Anakin turned to speak with the other padawans. He could tell by their body language that something was off however, and he could see by the way that Anakin was squaring his shoulders, that he was preparing for a fight.</p><p>“Indeed, they are.” Palpatine muttered, watching as Anakin began to give into his anger. He couldn’t hear the conversation that was happening below them, but he had a feeling that this would be a good demonstration of if the boy was capable of handling the things that he was going to put him through. Palpatine’s face lit up with glee as he watched Anakin activate the sabers of the other padawans who appeared to be taunting him. Calling them towards himself with the force, he levitated their blades in the air while the other children recoiled back in fear. His suddenly turned when he watched as a flurry of robes pass him, and head for the ground.</p><p>“Anakin.” Obi-Wan said sternly as he approached the boy. Palpatine watched as his shoulders slumped and the sabers fell to the ground.</p><p>“Perhaps it would be good for Skywalker to have… an additional mentor.” Mace said, watching as Obi-Wan spoke to Anakin. But Palpatine knew that body language. The way his shoulders hunched forward. The way his eyes refused to meet his masters.</p><p>Yes, Anakin Skywalker was perfect.</p><hr/><p>“You should be honored, Knight Kenobi.” Mace pointed out as they made their way through the halls of the temple later that day. Sunlight streamed in through the windows, and children ran past them, quickly followed by an exasperated crechemaster.</p><p>“I am, Master. Truly.” Obi-Wan stated. “But I am also confused.”</p><p>“Why would the Chancellor take up such an interest in Anakin?” He asked.</p><p>Mace sighed. “He said that he saw a lot of himself in Skywalker, especially at this young age. I am aware that Skywalker can be… difficult at times, so it might be for the better if he receives additional guidance.</p><p>Obi-Wan tried to hide how much that hurt. How it made him think of Qui-Gon, and how he would have been a better master for Anakin. How he was unfit, not qualified, too young, not ready, to be Anakin’s master.</p><p>“Perhaps.” Obi-Wan replied softly, hiding his hands in his robes. “I only want what is best for him.”</p><p>“This might be what is best for him.” Mace pointed it. “It is important that Skywalker find the path that is right for him, and he may need different people to show him different options.”</p><p>“Of course.” Obi-Wan said while bowing his head slightly.</p><p>“All is as the force wills it to be.” Mace continued with a more sober tone. “I trust that eventually, Padawan Skywalker will find his way.”</p><p>“As do I.” Obi-Wan said, turning to look out of the window, not wanting to mention that he wanted to be the one that guided him there. That showed him what options he had.</p><p>“But for now, we shall see how this first meeting with the Chancellor goes.” Mace said, turning to look out of the window as well.</p><p>“We shall.” Obi-Wan whispered.</p><hr/><p>“Are you excited for your meeting with the Chancellor?” Obi-Wan asked Anakin as they walked towards the hangar together. His apprentice shrugged, but through their bond, Obi-Wan could feel waves of anxiety rolling off of him.</p><p>“You should be honored, Anakin.” Obi-Wan said, echoing what Mace had told him earlier that week.</p><p>“I am.” Anakin replied softly, looking straight ahead.</p><p>“Most Jedi do not get to meet with the Chancellor on such an intimate level, especially a padawan as young as you.” Obi-Wan continued.</p><p>“I know.” Anakin said as they turned another corner and entered the hangar.</p><p>“Now, you must remember to be on your best behavior.” Obi-Wan stated with a firm voice. Finally, Anakin looked up at him, but his expression was unreadable.</p><p>“I will.”</p><p>“No messing with droids or anything else that you might find interesting.”</p><p>Anakin nodded.</p><p>“And mind your words, padawan. They will become your actions if you are not careful enough.”</p><p>“I know.” Anakin said as he looked away. They continued walking through the hangar in relative silence after that, heading towards the same speeder that Obi-Wan usually liked to fly. It wasn’t fast, but it was reliable, and that was the important thing to him.</p><p>Obi-Wan gripped the steering yoke tightly, wishing that Anakin would break the tense silence between them. But his padawan seemed more interested in watching the speeders pass by as they flew towards the senate building than holding any kind of conversation with his master.</p><p>He hoped that Anakin would not act the same way with the chancellor.</p><p>When they pulled into the hangar of the senate building, Anakin quickly climbed out, and two senate guards approached them.</p><p>“We will escort Padawan Skywalker from here, Master Jedi.” One of the guards said in a typical Coruscanti accent. Obi-Wan blinked. He thought that he would have more time with Anakin. More time to talk to him and prepare him for such a prestigious encounter.</p><p>“Is it alright if I come with you?” Obi-Wan asked after a moment. The two guards looked at each other before one of them shrugged.</p><p>“I don’t see why not.” He replied.</p><p>The trip to the Chancellor’s office was even more awkward than the ride over. Now, neither guard was up for much conversation either, and Anakin had decided to keep his mouth shut. Regardless, Obi-Wan could still feel the anxiety rolling off of him, and the fear, and the annoyance, and the anger</p><p>It was why he wanted more time with him alone before his encounter with the Chancellor. But, he never got the chance, and before he knew it, the guards were stopping him from going any further. But between the two of them, he watched as the Chancellor opened up the door to his office and smiled down at Anakin, the light from behind him casting his entire body in a large shadow.</p><p>He watched as Anakin walked inside of the office, his small frame being consumed by the Chancellor’s shadow. And then the door slid shut behind him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. wild rose</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I need to figure out a schedule for updating stories</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“It is so good to see you again, Padawan Skywalker.” The Chancellor said as he walked around his desk and back into his seat. Anakin stood by the front of the desk; his hands hidden in the sleeves of his robes. He hesitated, unsure of where to stand, or how to proceed.</p><p>“Likewise, Chancellor.” Anakin replied, bowing his head.</p><p>“Tell me, my boy.” Palpatine began, lacing his fingers together and surveying Anakin.</p><p>“Are you happy at the Jedi temple? Here on Coruscant.”</p><p>Anakin hesitated for a moment. “Yes, I am very grateful that they took me in and are training me.”</p><p>The Chancellor smiled. “I imagine that this is quite a change from what you’ve been used to.”</p><p>Anakin nodded his head. “It is.”</p><p>“Your excellency.” He added on after a moment.</p><p>“There is no need to be so formal, my boy.” The Chancellor said, leaning back into his chair. Anakin’s shoulders tensed.</p><p>“Is it alright if I call you Anakin?” He asked, his eyes twinkling. Anakin nodded.</p><p>“’Anakin’ is fine, your excellency.” He replied, bowing his head slightly again.</p><p>“Wonderful.” Palpatine responded with an even wider smile.</p><p>“I see a lot of myself in you, Anakin.” He continued. “Especially when I was your age.”</p><p>“Really?” Anakin asked with a hesitant smile. The Chancellor nodded.</p><p>“Of course.” He replied, getting up from his chair and placing a hand on his shoulder. They stood there in silence, watching the speeders pass by through the window.</p><p>“I had a rather… troubled childhood for many years.” The Chancellor said darkly. “But!” He exclaimed, squeezing Anakin’s shoulder.</p><p>“Look at where I am now.” He said, turning to gesture towards the grand office.</p><p>“And look at where you are now as well.” He pointed out, turning back to face Anakin.</p><p>“I suppose so.” Anakin replied softly, unsure of how to respond.</p><p>“It is a lot to take in, isn’t it my boy.” The Chancellor said. “Such a series of drastic changes, but I am sure that you are grateful that the Jedi took you in.”</p><p>“Of course.” Anakin replied sincerely.  </p><p>“Good, good.” The Chancellor said.</p><p>“Tell me, Anakin.” He continued, walking over to stand closer to the mirror, his back now facing the rest of his office.</p><p>“What is your favorite thing about Coruscant?”</p><p>“My favorite thing?” Anakin echoed, curling his hands into fists to resist the urge of fidgeting.</p><p>“My favorite thing is probably…” He trailed off and looked down at his feet.</p><p>“Oh? Can’t think of something?’ The Chancellor asked, turning to face him, his face covered by a shadow.</p><p>“No, I just- there are so many things here on Coruscant.” He replied quickly. “It’s hard to think of one thing in particular.” Anakin replied, growing more and more flustered.</p><p>“The different cultures? New foods to try?” The Chancellor suggested.</p><p>“A cooler climate?” Anakin’s shoulders jerked at that, but he was hoping that the Chancellor didn’t notice.</p><p>“Actually, it would have to be the archives.” Anakin replied softly.</p><p>“Really?” The Chancellor asked. Anakin nodded, afraid to speak, should he say the wrong thing.</p><p>“The Jedi temple has the largest collection of knowledge in the galaxy.” The Chancellor replied.</p><p>“It makes sense that you would be star-struck by something like that.” He noted. Anakin wasn’t sure what he meant by that.</p><p>“Each time I go in, I always learn something new.” Anakin replied, trying to sound as neutral as possible. As pleasing as possible.</p><p>“And I am sure that is what makes you such a wonderful student.” The Chancellor said, turning slightly so that his mouth was no longer in the shadow. He was smiling. That was probably a good sign.</p><p>Anakin shrugged. “I try my best, your excellency.” He replied.</p><p>“And your efforts do not go unnoticed!” The Chancellor pointed out, stepping out of the shadow. His eyes were a light blue, almost like ice or frost. It was the first time Anakin had really noticed them.</p><p>“I have heard how hard you train- how you are able to outperform your peers.” The Chancellor said.</p><p>“I have even seen it myself. I must say that I was quite impressed.”</p><p>“Really?” Anakin asked, his eyes bright and smiling, his nerves forgotten temporarily.</p><p>“Indeed.” The Chancellor responded with a smile. “Are you not aware of your own… special skills, my boy?”</p><p>Anakin’s shoulders slumped again. “I’m unsure.” He looked away.</p><p>“Is something on your mind?” The Chancellor asked. Anakin looked back up at him.</p><p>“Do not worry, your secret is safe with me.” He replied, placing a hand on Anakin’s shoulder, and squeezing it hard. Anakin tried not to flinch. That would be rude.</p><p>“Well…”  Anakin began slowly “Sometimes I feel as though I am being held back.” He said tentatively.</p><p>“Held back?” The Chancellor asked, his face shocked. “Perhaps, your masters are jealous of your raw talent.” He said with a laugh. Anakin shrugged.</p><p>“Perhaps.” He whispered, his nerves back and worse than ever. But he had to make sure that the Chancellor couldn’t sense that anything was wrong. He needed to present as though he was happy, healthy, and grateful that the Jedi had taken him in. The last thing he needed, or wanted to hear, was Obi-Wan lecturing him for not being polite enough during his meeting with the Chancellor.</p><p>“But there is no need to concern yourself, your excellency.” Anakin replied, looking up at the Chancellor, doing his best to force a smile.</p><p>“Oh?” The Chancellor asked, stepping back, and letting go of Anakin’s shoulder.</p><p>“Well, you can tell me about whatever is on your mind, Anakin.” The Chancellor said sincerely.</p><p>“I only want what is best for you.”</p><p>Anakin’s eyes widened slightly. He bowed again. “Thank you, your excellency. I appreciate it.”</p><p>He looked back up, and there was an odd twinkle in the Chancellor’s eyes again.</p><p>“Of course, my boy.”</p><hr/><p>The ride back to the temple was silent. Obi-Wan gripped the steering yoke a little harder, wishing that Anakin would say something about how his visit went. But he also knew that sometimes his padawan would get into moods- moods that he still didn’t fully understand. And as a result, wouldn’t do much talking at all.</p><p>But there would be other days where Anakin would talk to him for what felt like hours about something new, he had learned that day or a new droid that he had fixed. And while Obi-Wan did his best to pay attention and seemed engaged, it was hard at times.</p><p>But he didn’t blame Anakin. Anakin was a child and was expressing interests and questioning the things around him, as all children did. It was himself, that Obi-Wan was questioning. It was himself that he was doubting.</p><p>Was he a good enough master for Anakin? He tried to recall how he had interacted with Qui-Gon, but then again, their relationship hadn’t had the best start either.</p><p>Perhaps it was better to not dwell on the past. But there were times where he couldn’t help it. There were times that it seemed to haunt him, no matter what he did.</p><p>As the two of them made their way back up through the temple and towards the quarters, Obi-Wan was able to get a few more words out of Anakin. But he was careful to not push too hard. He could tell that Anakin was upset, frustrated- at something. But he had no idea what, and Anakin didn’t seem to be keen on telling him. Obi-Wan waved the door open and sighed as he saw that the plants hanging in the window needed to be watered.</p><p>They were Qui-Gon’s plants.</p><p>He would water them later, for now he had something more important to attend to, but Anakin had quickly sped past him, and Obi-Wan heard his door slide shut.</p><p>He looked back at the plants, watching as their leaves reflected the setting sun.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. tulip</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Anakin?” Obi-Wan called, leaning back so that his voice would carry down the hallway. He was met with silence at first. But Obi-Wan turned back and looked at the time. It was getting late.</p><p>“Anakin?” Obi-Wan called again as he walked down the hall. He paused at Anakin’s door. Usually, his padawan would have come out by now, unless he was engrossed in yet another project.</p><p>He waved his hand and the door slid open. There were droid parts scattered around the desk, surrounding, and fanning out from where Anakin sat. The rest of the room was neat- the bed was made, and small closet doors were shut. A few holobooks sat on a shelf, as Anakin had been growing a steady collection of books as his reading skills continued to improve.</p><p>“Anakin.” Obi-Wan said again. Anakin jumped slightly, dropping the droid part that he was holding and swearing softly.</p><p>“Language, young one.”</p><p>Anakin sighed. “Sorry master.” He replied as he bent over to pick up the part that he had dropped.</p><p>“Are you hungry?” Obi-Wan asked. “It’s getting late.”</p><p>Anakin shrugged. “Not really.” Obi-Wan frowned in response.</p><p>“You seem troubled.” He noted. “Come.” He said, turning to leave the room.</p><p>“Where are we going?” Anakin asked as he got up from his chair and followed him.</p><p>“For a walk.” Obi-Wan responded. “Grab your cloak- the air outside will be cold.”</p><p> </p><p>They walked in relative silence. Anakin had spent most of the walk staring at the speeders that passed by, his eyes far away. Obi-Wan had been hoping to get more conversation out of him, but instead, Anakin seemed to be lost in his thoughts again.</p><p>“Why do you like to stare at the speeders so much, Anakin?” Obi-Wan asked, hoping to start a conversation.</p><p>Anakin shrugged, but didn’t turn to face him. “I like watching them go by. They move so fast, and I wanna move fast like that too.”</p><p>“How come?” Obi-Wan asked, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>Anakin stopped walking. “So, I can get away.” He whispered. Now, both of Obi-Wan’s eyebrows shot up.</p><p>“Away from what, padawan?” Obi-Wan replied. Anakin shrugged and turned to face him.</p><p>“You don’t know?” Obi-Wan asked, crossing his arms over his chest.</p><p>“Just- away.” Anakin replied, looking down at his feet and shifting his weight between them. Obi-Wan sighed.</p><p>“If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s alright.” He said after a moment. A breeze blue, their cloaks flowing with it. Obi-Wan looked up at the passing speeders, and then back down at Anakin, who was now staring at him. He could sense Anakin’s apprehension, his nervousness in the force. But he wouldn’t pressure him.</p><p>“Is it?” Anakin asked him. “Master Yoda says we should be open with our feelings.”</p><p>“You should.” Obi-Wan noted. “But if you can’t form the words you need to in order to communicate them, then you should reflect on them until you can.”</p><p>“I guess.” Anakin mumbled, looking away. “But that’s hard, master.”</p><p>“Well, you’ve never struck me as someone who backs away from a challenge, Anakin.” Obi-Wan replied with a smile. Anakin looked back up at him.</p><p>“I’m not.” He replied and puffed out his chest.</p><p>“That’s what I thought.” Obi-Wan noted. And Anakin smiled.</p><p>They continued to walk around on the balcony, Anakin slowly opening as they continued. He began to tell Obi-Wan about the different kinds of speeders that were going past them, and even pointed out a ship that was heading up into space.</p><p>“The different colors of the light coming from the exhaust pipes can tell you the temperature of the fuel.” Anakin explained as he pointed at a streak of blue light that was ascending higher and higher.</p><p>“Blue is the hottest, so that means that ship must be fast!” He exclaimed.</p><p>“I wonder where it’s going.” Anakin mumbled as they watched the light disappear into the darkness.</p><p>“So do I.” Obi-Wan responded. He looked down again when he noticed something was off with Anakin.</p><p>“You’re shivering.” He noted.</p><p>“It’s cold.” Anakin replied, turning to look up at Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan stared at him for a moment, before reaching over and pulling Anakin’s hood over his head.</p><p>“Master!” Anakin exclaimed and smiled. Obi-Wan chuckled.</p><p>“Perhaps we should head inside.” He suggested as he felt Anakin tremble again. Anakin nodded, and the two of them turned back to head towards their quarters, the air feeling lighter between them than it had earlier.</p>
<hr/><p>But that didn’t last long. When Anakin saw Obi-Wan after attending one of his classes, he could tell that his apprentice was upset about something. But he again, didn’t know what it was.</p><p>“How was your class?” Obi-Wan asked, hopeful that Anakin would be responsive.</p><p>“Boring.” Anakin snapped back. “It was boring.” Obi-Wan’s eyebrows rose. He had recently moved Anakin to a different class to solve this problem. But it appeared that Anakin would quickly surpass his peers, regardless of what he did. He did his best to balance not having Anakin be surrounded by children far older than him but give him enough to do in class. A balance that was proving far harder to achieve than he initially thought.</p><p>“Boring?” Obi-Wan repeated. “Perhaps you should try helping some of your classmates who are struggling?” He suggested. Anakin shrugged.</p><p>“They don’t like talking to me, so why should I?” He asked.</p><p>“Anakin,” Obi-Wan sighed. “That isn’t-“</p><p>“Yes, it is.” Anakin replied, cutting him off. “I can hear when they whisper about me behind my back.” Obi-Wan sighed again, trying to think of advice to give Anakin. But he hadn’t been in Anakin’s position, never mind spending the majority of his childhood being raised somewhere else. It was different for him.</p><p>“Perhaps they are whispering behind your back because you are new to the class?” Obi-Wan suggested. “They might just be curious about you.”</p><p>“I doubt it.” Anakin mumbled. “If they were curious, they would talk to me.”</p><p>“Maybe not, padawan.” Obi-Wan replied. “They might not be sure what to say.” Now it was Anakin’s turn to sigh.</p><p>“Give them a chance to warm up to you.” Obi-Wan suggested, placing a hand on Anakin’s shoulder. “Being a new student is hard on anyone.”</p><p>“I guess.” Anakin muttered. Obi-Wan smiled slightly before guiding Anakin towards the gardens.</p><p>“Now, how about some meditation?” He suggested as they walked down the hall.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>come talk to me on  <a href="https://www.tumblr.com/blog/sonderwalker">tumblr!</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. baby's breath</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>wrote this chapter while listening to exile by taylor swift</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Anakin tried to follow Obi-Wan’s advice. He wanted to be good, to make his master proud. So, when he sat in his class the next day, he was ready to try again. He was ready to be friendly. He had even arrived early, sitting in a spot where there were open seats next to him, so that if someone wanted to join him, they could.</p><p>No one did. The seats next to him remained empty during his class. He had watched eagerly as other padawans filled the room, and looked down, tears burning in his eyes as he realized that no one wanted to sit next to him anyway.</p><p>And when they were asked to be in groups with one another, he was the last one to be chosen.</p><p>And when they had finally all been put in groups and sat down together, the other padawans simply spoke as if he wasn’t there.</p><p>So much for following Obi-Wan’s advice.</p><p>He tried to not let his anger get the best of him. But it was hard, and the way the other children would give him sideways glances only irritated him even more.</p><p>So, he huffed, and rested his chin in the palm of his hand, resigning himself to spending another day staring out of the window and wondering when he could leave.</p><p>“Padawan Skywalker?” A tentative voice asked. Anakin turned; his eyes wide that someone other than the master that was teaching the class was addressing him.</p><p>“What do you think we should do, given the circumstances?” The girl who sat across from him asked. She looked to be about his age, Mirialan, and looked down at the floor before looking back up at him.</p><p>“What circumstances?” Anakin asked, feeling his face heat up.</p><p>“For our project.” She clarified. “Our group is only two, now that Padawan Talin has left us.”</p><p>“Oh.” Anakin said, noticing that the other person who had been paired with them- a blue twi’lek boy now sat a different table and looked much happier about it.</p><p>“So, what do you want to do?” She asked again. Anakin shrugged.</p><p>“We can do whatever you wanna do.” He replied, and he frowned when he heard the girl across from him huff.</p><p>“Well, that won’t work. We need to decide how we want to split up the work for this project.”</p><p>“How much work is there?” Anakin asked, tilting his head to the side. The girl huffed and frowned.</p><p>“A lot.” She muttered. “And I’m not that good at math.” She added on quietly.</p><p>“I’m pretty good with numbers.” Anakin replied while shrugging. Her eyes brightened slightly.</p><p>“Really?” She asked. Anakin looked away, his face becoming flushed again.</p><p>“Yeah…” He said sheepishly.</p><p>“Well, then I shall leave that to you, Padawan Skywalker.” She said while nodding her head. “I will handle the writing portion.”</p><p>“Um, thanks.” Anakin said, and then stopped himself, realizing that he didn’t know the girl’s name.</p><p>She blinked at him for a moment before speaking again.</p><p>“Padawan Barris Offee.” She said after a moment.</p><p>“I introduced myself earlier but…” She trailed off, and Anakin winced.</p><p>“Sorry, I was just… thinking about something else.” He replied sheepishly.</p><p>“I noticed.” She said with a slight smile, and Anakin smiled as well.</p><hr/><p>“Sounds like quite the project, my boy!” The Chancellor said as he approached Anakin, his dark robes sweeping over the blood red carpet. Anakin nodded, feeling a sense of pride swell in his chest.</p><p>“It will be a lot of work, especially since I am only working with one other person.” Anakin replied.</p><p>“Oh?” The Chancellor tilted his head to the side slightly. “And why is that?”</p><p>Anakin shifted his weight, looking down at the floor again.</p><p>“We… we had someone leave our group to go to another group.” Anakin replied softly.</p><p>“Leaving you and your partner to do more of the work by yourself?” The Chancellor asked. Anakin nodded.</p><p>“That doesn’t sound fair.” He noted.</p><p>Anakin shrugged. “It isn’t.”</p><p>“Have you brought up this concern with your teacher?” Palpatine asked.</p><p>But Anakin shook his head. “She was the one that moved him, and… and I don’t think she would listen if I complained.” He added on quickly.</p><p>“Well, I will listen.” The Chancellor said with a smile as he leaned over and squeezed Anakin’s shoulder. It hurt, but he didn’t want to flinch. The Chancellor was only trying to be nice to him. Pay attention to him and listen to him when it seemed like no one else wanted to.</p><p>“Now, why would your teacher think that you should have to do more of the work by yourself?” Palpatine asked.</p><p>Anakin shrugged, and in return, his shoulder was squeezed again, harder this time.</p><p>“My dear boy,” Palpatine said, his voice sickeningly sweet. “I think you know the answer.”</p><p>“Because she doesn’t like me?” Anakin mumbled.</p><p>“Perhaps, but I am sure there is something else.” Palpatine replied.</p><p>“Because she thinks I’m not as good as everyone else?” Anakin asked after a moment, looking up at the Chancellor.</p><p>“And why would she think that?” Palpatine asked as he stood up straight and released Anakin from his grip.</p><p>“Because… because I’m not like the other Padawans.” Anakin answered, his voice cracking as he admitted it.</p><p>He took a deep breath to try and steady himself, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill over.</p><p>He didn’t want to bother the Chancellor.</p><p>“And I can’t control my emotions like they can.”</p><p>“No, you cannot.” Palpatine said, agreeing with what Anakin had just stated. Anakin looked up in surprise, but then told himself that he shouldn’t be surprised at all.</p><p>“But I would like to help you with that, Anakin.” The Chancellor said as he leaned over him slightly, his figure blocking out the sun from the window behind him.</p><p>“Would you like that?” He asked.</p><p>Anakin nodded eagerly. “I would greatly appreciate it, your excellency.” Anakin replied while bowing his head.</p><p>“Good, good.” Palpatine said and smiled at him. “Let us get started then.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you for reading! come talk to me on  <a href="https://sonderwalker.tumblr.com/">tumblr!</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. daisy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>please note that the tags have been updated!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“We shall start small, my boy,” Palpatine said as he stepped away from Anakin and walked back over towards the window.</p><p>“Look at me, Anakin.” Palpatine commanded, and Anakin quickly snapped his head forward.</p><p>“Let’s discuss why the other padawans may have decided to leave you alone, shall we?”</p><p>Anakin nodded, unsure if he wanted to the hear the reasons, but sure that he wanted to do better.</p><p>“Perhaps they felt as if you are troublesome to work with, do you know why that would be?” Palpatine asked, and Anakin tilted his head to the side.</p><p>“Um,” he began and swallowed thickly. “I dunno.” He muttered as he looked down at the ground.</p><p>“Come now, you are a smart boy, you can surely think of something.” Palpatine responded with a smile.</p><p>Anakin nodded, looking back up after a moment, trying his best to hold the Chancellor’s gaze.</p><p>“Maybe, because I can be hard to work with?” He suggested.</p><p>“How come?”</p><p>“Because, because I get angry easily, and it’s something that Master Obi-Wan has been working on with me but- “</p><p>“But there has not been enough improvement for your liking it seems.” Palpatine said, interrupting Anakin who nodded.</p><p>“That’s right, and I- “Anakin stopped himself and sighed.</p><p>“Is there something else that’s on your mind?” The Chancellor asked as he walked towards Anakin again.</p><p>“Well… I’m smarter than most of the other Padawans, and they don’t like when I correct them,” Anakin pointed out as he watched Palpatine approach him.</p><p>“No one likes to be told their wrong, but I am sure that your gifts give you an advantage over many of the students,” Palpatine replied with a smile and Anakin nodded, feeling his face head up slightly.</p><p>“Maybe,” He mumbled, trying not to smile at the small amount of praise from such a powerful man.</p><p>“I can sense things that they can’t and do things that they can’t.” Anakin said, puffing his chest out slightly.</p><p>“I can read people’s emotions better and-“</p><p>Suddenly, Palpatine lunged forward grabbing Anakin by his neck and squeezing tightly. His face was a cool and calm mask as Anakin clawed at his hand, gasping for air.</p><p>“But did you sense that I was about to do this?” He asked Anakin who shook his head quickly and whimpered.</p><p>Anakin gasped for air, berating himself as he felt hot tears begin to slide down his face as he continued to struggle.</p><p>And as quickly as it happened, it was over, leaving Anakin on his hands and knees, gasping for air at Palpatine’s feet.</p><p>“Did you?” Palpatine asked.</p><p>“… no,” Anakin whispered, looking up at him from the floor, curling his fingers into the lush red carpet that was underneath him.</p><p>“Then it seems, that we still have work to do.” Palpatine replied nonchalantly as he turned away from Anakin and walked back towards the window.</p><p>Anakin stood slowly, knowing better than to try and rub at his wounds. Instead, he held his hands behind his back, grasping tightly so that he wouldn’t be tempted. Using the pain from holding on to distract him from the lingering pain in his neck.</p><p>“Perhaps if you were able to sense that, then you would have avoided this situation,” Palpatine pointed out, turning away from the window to face him.</p><p>Anakin nodded, not trusting his voice to speak.</p><p>“And perhaps then, you wouldn’t be worried about what your master thought as much?”</p><p>He nodded again.</p><p>“See,” Palpatine said with a smile as he walked towards Anakin again, and rested a reassuring hand on his shoulder.</p><p>“Anyone can be taught self-control, as long as the right methods are used.”</p><p>“Don’t you agree?”</p><p>He squeezed Anakin’s shoulder.</p><p>“I agree, your excellency,” Anakin replied, his voice numb.</p><hr/><p>“The chancellor has informed me that he would like to begin to have someone take you to and from your meetings with him,” Obi-Wan said as Anakin climbed into the speeder’s passenger seat.</p><p>“He says that he enjoys meeting with you but doesn’t want to burden me with the responsibility of having to bring you here every week.” Obi-Wan continued as he pulled out of the hangar and drove them back towards the temple.</p><p>“You’re a really busy person,” Anakin replied as he watched the buildings fly by them.</p><p>“I am but, I do enjoy spending time with you, Anakin,” Obi-Wan pointed out as they continued towards the temple.</p><p>“It’s just a speeder ride.” Anakin replied with a shrug.</p><p>“Regardless, you should be proud of yourself Anakin, making such a good impression on someone so important at such a young age.” Obi-Wan said.</p><p>Anakin looked away from the skyline, watching as Obi-Wan’s hair blew back in the wind as they approached the temple.</p><p>“I guess,” he replied with a shrug.</p><p>“I thought you would have been more excited, this means you get to ride in a nicer speeder with a member of the Coruscant Guard, instead of this old thing.” Obi-Wan noted.</p><p>“I’m excited!” Anakin replied, perking up.</p><p>“It’s just- just a lot to think about,” he added on sheepishly.</p><p>“I’m sure that for someone as young as you, it is.” Obi-Wan replied as they pulled into the temple hangar.</p><hr/><p>Later that evening, Anakin stood in front of the mirror in his bedroom. He had just changed into his sleeping clothes, which were cut low enough to reveal the bruises blooming across his neck. They filled him with shame, knowing that the Chancellor was right. If he had been better, he would have sensed that he was going to do that. If he had been paying more attention, he would have noticed.</p><p>He reached up and gently touched them, wincing at the pain but not moving his hand away.</p><p>They were a reminder, just for him to see. His daily robes were high enough so that when he was returning to the temple earlier, Obi-Wan hadn’t suspected a thing. And that was how Anakin wanted it.</p><p>He dropped his hand to the side, contemplating if he should get any bacta to rub onto the spot. But he didn’t want Obi-Wan to worry. He didn’t want to use the bacta- what if Obi-Wan needed it for something else? Something more important than just some bruises around his neck.</p><p>He stood there, in front of the mirror for a while, contemplating what he should do, listening to see where Obi-Wan was in their quarters. But the bruises around his neck still hurt and he decided that using just a little bacta wouldn’t be a problem.</p><p>He wasn’t sure how long he stood there, but when he was sure that Obi-Wan had gone off to bed, he snuck back out, using the force to help conceal himself, make himself quieter as he went and grabbed a bacta packet from the fresher, returning as quickly as he left</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. sunflower</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first time Anakin felt the sensation of lightening course through his body, he was fifteen.</p><p>The first time he dropped to his hands and knees, his body trembling, burning, smoking, frozen to the spot, he was fifteen.</p><p>The first time Sidious used force lightening on Anakin was when he was fifteen.</p><p>His back arched, and he couldn’t even find the strength, the energy to scream as the electricity coursed through his body. He fell to the ground, his fingers curling around the blood red carpet, gasping for air as tears burned his eyes.</p><p>“Get up,” Sidious hissed from above.</p><p>Anakin raised his head, looking at his silhouette as he stood in front of the window, blocking the sunlight from reaching him.</p><p>“Get up, Anakin.”</p><p>“Yes, master,” Anakin said, bowing his head back down as he struggled to stand on shaky limbs.</p><p>His vision tilted and blurred, and he held out his hands to steady himself, cursing himself for seeming so weak in front of anyone, but especially him.</p><p>“Stand up straight.”</p><p>“Yes, master,” Anakin said as he blinked a few times, forcing his feet to stay still.</p><p>“Now, what did we talk about, my boy?” Sidious asked him as he leaned over, smiling without any emotion.</p><p>Anakin tried to think of something, anything to say in a response. But his mind was muddled, his thoughts blurred as the effects of the lightening were still there.</p><p>“Anakin.” Sidious barked, causing him to jump.</p><p>“We talked…. About the natural order of things,” Anakin replied, hoping that he was right.</p><p>“That’s right, my boy,” Sidious said as he raised a hand, gently ruffling Anakin’s hair.</p><p>And Anakin would be lying if he said he didn’t relish in the touch, the way it felt to be praised, even if it came with consequences that he would suffer later.</p><p>But that was later, and now, he even felt a ghost of a smile form on his face at the praise from the Chancellor.</p><hr/><p>But it was now later, and despite the brief bit of warmth that Anakin had felt earlier, it was replaced with the full body ache that the lightening had left him.</p><p>He was supposed to be studying.</p><p>But the words blurred together on the page, and he blinked, realizing that several tears fell from his face as he did so.</p><p>He wanted to keep studying, he wanted to be good, show Obi-Wan that he could be just like the other Jedi- even better than the other Jedi.</p><p>It’s what the Chancellor said made him special. His emotions.</p><p>But when he tried to express some of them, the softer ones, the ones that desired affection and compassion, he was punished by the Chancellor.</p><p>And the Chancellor had told him that the Jedi wouldn’t know what to do with such emotions, that his other master, Obi-Wan, wouldn’t know how to handle it, and that’s why the Jedi were flawed.</p><p>Anakin wasn’t sure if he believed that or not, but there wasn’t anything to suggest otherwise.</p><p>He and Obi-Wan… didn’t speak to each other anymore like how they used to.</p><p>They still lived together, still spoke every day, with Obi-Wan checking in on how Anakin was doing in his classes, and going to his training sessions, and they even spoke more when they were on missions together.</p><p>But Obi-Wan didn’t ask him about his life before he became a Jedi, and the Chancellor did.</p><p>And Obi-Wan didn’t ask him about how he felt about becoming a Jedi, and the Chancellor did.</p><p>More tears fell, and now, Anakin didn’t try to stop them. Instead, he watched as the pool on his datapad, causing the letters they covered to be magnified unlike the others. Watching as they ran down the front of the datapad when he picked it up and tilted it forward.</p><p>He set the datapad back down on the desk, still wet with his tears and got up, sitting on the edge of his bed.</p><p>There didn’t seem to be any point in studying if he couldn’t even read the words on the page.</p><hr/><p>At some point, he must have fallen asleep, because a hand was shaking his shoulder.</p><p>Anakin winced and sat up, his muscles protesting at every movement and he opened his eyes.</p><p>“You must have been tired if you feel asleep this early, young one,” Obi-Wan said with a soft smile and Anakin blinked.</p><p>“What time is it?” He asked as he rubbed his eyes.</p><p>“It’s a little past 20:00, and I was suspicious from the lack of noise coming from you,” Obi-Wan pointed out.</p><p>“I was trying to study,” Anakin muttered as his face heated up from embarrassment.</p><p>“Studying the back of your eyelids, it seems,” Obi-Wan said, trying for an even larger smile that fell when Anakin didn’t seem to react.</p><p>“Regardless, if you are tired enough to fall asleep hours before you normally do, then perhaps it is your body telling you to take better care of yourself, Anakin.”</p><p>“Maybe,” Anakin said while shrugging, remembering what the Chancellor had told him about the natural order of things.</p><p>How the strong survived, and the weak didn’t. How you had to keep pushing yourself to become strong, and how if you didn’t push yourself, you would grow weak and be left behind. How you had to push through your pain, push through others to get to your goal.</p><p>And Anakin had many goals.</p><p>But he didn’t know if he had the strength that the Chancellor was asking him for.</p><p>“Anakin?” Obi-Wan asked and Anakin blinked several times, looking up from the spot on the floor where he had been staring.</p><p>“I asked if you wanted to have something to eat,” Obi-Wan repeated, and Anakin hesitated for a moment before nodding.</p><p>“I can bring it in here for you, if you’d like,” Obi-Wan offered.</p><p>“I thought you said I couldn’t have food in my room,” Anakin replied, furrowing his brow.</p><p>“Yes well, I can make an exception,” Obi-Wan told him, the small smile from earlier coming back.</p><p>“You look tired, I wouldn’t mind breaking the rules on occasion so you could get more rest.”</p><p>Anakin blinked again, shoving the Chancellor’s words about how the weak are the ones who must have people cater to them in the back of his mind.</p><p>And then he nodded slowly, doing his best to return the smile that Obi-Wan was giving him.  </p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. bleeding hearts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Some days were fine. Some days, Anakin almost looked normal. He could even smile when Obi-Wan smiled at him, take things that were offered to him.</p><p>The best days came when he went on missions with Obi-Wan. A chance to get away from the temple, away from the Chancellor. To learn more about the galaxy, the one that they had sworn to protect.</p><p>But Anakin tried to swallow down the bitter taste that was left in his mouth when he remembered who the Chancellor really was.</p><p>“Everything alright, Anakin?” Obi-Wan would ask him when he sensed a change of mood.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘And if you tell Kenobi, I will make sure that he never lives to tell the council,’ Sidious had hissed at him when Anakin had accidentally cried out for Obi-Wan during one of Sidious’s… lessons. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“It’s nothing,” Anakin replied, shaking his head and looking at Obi-Wan.</p><p>He tried for a smile. And Obi-Wan returned it.</p><p>That was good enough.</p><p>And as they continued to sail through the starts, further and further from Coruscant, Anakin found that he was able to relax slightly. That the threat of Sidious hanging over his head grew smaller and smaller as they flew through hyperspace.</p><p>He could lay on his bunk and watch through the viewport as the blue and white lights of hyperspace flew past him, blinking slower and slower until the hum of the ship lulled him to sleep.</p><p>And it was peaceful.</p><hr/><p>But there were other days, days where he would sneak past Obi-Wan at night to the fresher, grabbing the medkit and wrapping himself in bacta packs and bandages.</p><p>Flinching and dropping anything if he thought he heard the slightest sound.</p><p>But, Obi-Wan was a deep sleeper. Even so, that didn’t get rid of the gut-churning anxiety that flowed through him, the adrenaline that coursed through his veins when he dropped something onto the tile floor of the fresher and his eyes would go wide, listening and waiting for Obi-Wan to get up and scold him.</p><p>But Obi-Wan never came. And after waiting for a moment, Anakin would slowly bend over and pick up the bandage shears that he dropped, cursing at himself the entire time.</p><p>He was supposed to be better than this. But he couldn’t stop his hands from shaking.</p><p> </p><p>And there were other days where the pain was intense. Where he could feel his heartbeat strangely in his chest, feel the shooting pain up his limbs as his nerves protested at almost every movement.</p><p>The worst was probably the headaches, but he was able to just say he was tired or stressed.</p><p>And now was one of those times.</p><p>One of those times where the pounding in his head was so painful it was nauseating, and he found himself in the fresher again, only a few hours later from when he was last in here, emptying his stomach.</p><p>He knew that Obi-Wan was on the other side of the door, he could feel him in the force.</p><p>But everything hurt, and Anakin just wanted a moment, a single moment to be alone. </p><p>And then there was a knock on the other side of the door.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you alright in there?” Obi-Wan asked, and Anakin picked his head up from where it rested between his knees, wondering what he should say in response.</p><p>The door opened after a moment, and Obi-Wan stood in the doorway, looking at Anakin with a look of pity on his face.</p><p>The light from their quarters was streaming in from behind him, casting Obi-Wan in a shadow.</p><p>Anakin looked away.</p><p>He wasn’t a child, but he also wanted Obi-Wan to give him that one flavor of tea that always helped and sit with him and maybe talk with him, just like how he had when he had first come to the temple.</p><p>And he hated himself for wanting that. It’s what made him weak- why he wasn’t a good enough Jedi.</p><p>And he shouldn’t have to burden Obi-Wan with that.</p><p>“Anakin,” Obi-Wan began gently as he stepped further into the fresher and sat down on the cool tile floor across from Anakin, making sure to keep the lights on their lowest setting as he entered the room.</p><p>“I’m okay,” Anakin quickly replied as he squeezed his eyes shut, his head reminding him that he was anything but okay.</p><p>And Obi-Wan wasn’t buying it either.</p><p>“Last I checked people who are ‘okay’ don’t throw up their breakfast only moments after eating just a few bites,” Obi-Wan pointed out.</p><p>“Sorry,” Anakin muttered, relaxing his face but keeping his eyes shut as he placed his head back between his knees.</p><p>“If you weren’t feeling well, you should have just said something,” Obi-Wan pointed out.</p><p>“There’s no need to apologize,” Obi-Wan quickly added on as he felt Anakin’s mood shift in the force.</p><p>“Although, I suppose that you are probably too sick to go to class, and to meet with the Chancellor…” Obi-Wan muttered and Anakin picked his head up from where it was resting between his knees, panic coursing through his veins.</p><p>What if he was punished for being weak again?</p><p>“I’m okay,” Anakin said again, this time with a stronger voice.</p><p>“I can go to class, and meet with the Chancellor,” Anakin said, and then bit his lip.</p><p>“Right,” Obi-Wan deadpanned.</p><p>“I’m serious!” Anakin exclaimed, and then winced when a particularly painful throb ran through his head.</p><p>“Anakin,” Obi-Wan replied, his voice stern.</p><p>“Pushing yourself to your breaking point isn’t healthy. And if I have to order you to stay in our quarters for the day, then I shall,” Obi-Wan continued, his voice stern.</p><p>But that didn’t ease the worry in Anakin’s heart. He didn’t want the Chancellor to punish him for being weak.</p><p>“What are you going to tell the Chancellor?” Anakin asked timidly as he sighed.</p><p>“That you will not be coming to visit him today.”</p><p>“You aren’t gonna tell him why?” Anakin asked, hope seeping into his voice.</p><p>“Do you want me to?” Obi-Wan asked as he raised an eyebrow, but Anakin quickly shook his head.</p><p>And then regretted moving his head that quickly, since instead of replying, he just placed his head back between his knees.</p><p>“Now, why don’t we get you back to bed, and I can make you a cup of tea,” Obi-Wan suggested as he rubbed soothing circles into Anakin’s shoulder.</p><p>Anakin flinched at the touch at first, but then quickly relaxed and sighed, waiting another moment before sitting back up and squinting at Obi-Wan.</p><p>“Sounds good?”</p><p>Anakin only nodded once this time.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. iris</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Anakin?” Obi-Wan asked softly as he entered the room.</p><p>The lights were off, and the blinds were drawn, but small bits of light snuck their way into the room through the cracks of the blinds.</p><p>On the bed, curled up and on his side was Anakin, his face pressed into one of the pillows.</p><p>“Feeling any better?” Obi-Wan asked as he set the cup of tea down on the nightstand.</p><p>Anakin shrugged.</p><p>“Any worse?”</p><p>Another shrug.</p><p>“Did you make-“ Anakin began, picking his head up slightly to look at Obi-Wan</p><p>“The aura blossom root tea?” Obi-Wan finished with a soft smile.</p><p>“I didn’t add any sugar this time though, since you threw up earlier.”</p><p>Now Anakin pouted, and Obi-Wan had to try not to laugh.</p><p>“You just threw up, you don’t need sugar Anakin,” he replied while rolling his eyes.</p><p>“But-“ Anakin sighed and looked down</p><p>“You can have some later if you’re feeling up to it,” Obi-Wan offered and Anakin looked back up at him with a slight smile.</p><p>“That’s if you’re feeling up to it,” Obi-Wan added on and Anakin grumbled something unintelligible before pressing his face back into the pillows.</p><p>“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Anakin asked after a moment of silence passed and he realized that he never heard Obi-Wan leave his quarters.</p><p>“Not today, and besides,” Obi-Wan began.</p><p>“I’m worried about you.”</p><p>Anakin shifted on the bed, guilt teasing his heart as he thought about the Chancellor’s words.</p><p>He didn’t want to be a bother to Obi-Wan, he didn’t want to inconvenience him.</p><p>“I’m fine,” Anakin mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut.</p><p>“Anakin, you could be on your death bed and still try and convince me that you’re fine,” Obi-Wan pointed out, and that only made the guilt in his heart grow even larger.</p><p>“You’ve been getting these headaches more often, and I can tell that something has been bothering you,” Obi-Wan began and sighed.</p><p>He wanted to mention that he had seen Anakin smile less and less over the past few months, but then the more he thought about it, Anakin’s smile that he had when he was a young boy and came to the temple quickly faded after a few years of being here, replaced with a carefully neutral expression instead.</p><p>But Obi-Wan saw Anakin when he was alone, saw the way his mask would break when no one was around, felt the way that all of the negative emotions would wash over him in waves, until he blocked off their bond.</p><p>And Obi-Wan wanted to help. He wanted to tell Anakin that he was proud of him.</p><p>But when was the right time to tell him? How should he tell him? What should he say?</p><p>Those questions bounced around in his head with no right answer, but the more he watched Anakin continue to push himself- out doing his own classmates but still struggling to make friends, the more he wondered if he should say anything at all.</p><p>Anakin could be incredibly cocky one second and incredibly insecure the next.</p><p>How should he tell him that he was proud of him?</p><p>“Master,” Anakin whispered as he struggled to sit up, causing Obi-Wan to snap out of his running thoughts.</p><p>Anakin sighed and squeezed his eyes shut, pressing his lips together after a moment.</p><p>“Are you-“ Obi-Wan began but was cut off when Anakin gagged and slapped a hand over his mouth, his eyes wide.</p><p>In one quick motion, Obi-Wan used the Force to summon the trash can from the other side of the room just in time.</p><p>“Still ready to admit you’re fine?” Obi-Wan asked after Anakin was done.</p><p>He got a weak glare in response.</p><p>“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’,” Obi-Wan said as he set the trash can down and grabbed the cup of tea to pass to Anakin.</p><p>But he refused to take it.</p><p>“Anakin,” Obi-Wan sighed.</p><p>Anakin eyed the cup warily, before looking up at Obi-Wan.</p><p>A part of him wanted to take it.</p><p>Another part didn’t think that he deserved it.</p><p>“If you don’t drink this then we’re going to see a healer,” Obi-Wan threatened, his voice stern.</p><p>Anakin took the cup and took slow, careful sips, setting it back down on the nightstand after a moment.</p><p>“Better?” Obi-Wan asked and Anakin shrugged, the guilt from earlier being replaced with anxiety as he thought about how the Chancellor would punish him for being weak.</p><p>For relying on others, especially other Jedi.</p><p>But there was a part that he kept locked away that wanted to tell Obi-Wan everything, that wanted Obi-Wan to tell him that everything was going to be alright and that he didn’t have to worry.</p><p>When that happened, he heard Sidious’s warning.</p><p>“<em>And if you tell Kenobi, I will make sure that he never lives to tell the council.” </em></p><p>
  <em>So, he didn’t say anything at all. </em>
</p><hr/><p>As time passed, Obi-Wan tried to think that most of Anakin’s moods were due to his age. After all, he hadn’t been the most agreeable person either when he was an eighteen-year old either.</p><p>There were wonderful moments between the two of them when they went on missions, and Anakin would always light up at a chance to fly the ship or to help someone in need.</p><p>Wonderful moments where he and Obi-Wan sat together, staying up late and talking about whatever came to their minds. It was times like those when he got to watch Anakin’s walls slowly come down.</p><p>Other times where he would simply be amazed at how quickly Anakin had progressed as a fighter, how he could now take on knights and beat them in their own form of lightsaber combat while he was still a padawan.</p><p>There were discussions, rumors of Anakin becoming the youngest knight in the order.</p><p>And Obi-Wan couldn’t have been any more proud in those moments.</p><p>But there were strange moments, where Anakin would seem as if he was staring out into space, and his hands would shake.</p><p>Strange moments where he would flinch if someone touched his shoulder- it was the reason for why Obi-Wan stopped doing it about two years ago.</p><p>Other strange moments where Anakin could be smiling and maybe even laugh, but as quickly as his laugh came, it went and was replaced by a frown or a scowl, or worse, the empty stare.</p><p>And when that happened, Obi-Wan still didn’t know how to reach him, so he would wait for Anakin to come back instead.</p><p>But he noticed that each time this happened, it took longer and longer for Anakin to come back.</p><p>And he noticed that Anakin seemed to shake more and more, even when nothing seemed to be wrong.</p><p>The moods, he could understand, or so he thought.</p><p>But the rest he knew that he could not.</p><p>“I think you should see a healer,” Obi-Wan brought up one afternoon after watching Anakin spend most of the morning curled up on his bed with a pillow over his head.</p><p>“I don’t need to see a healer,” Anakin muttered, his eyes opening weakly to look at Obi-Wan.</p><p>“Anakin,” Obi-Wan began, his shoulders drooping before he straightened them again.</p><p>“Something is wrong. I see the way that your hands shake, and the way you just seem… to space out at times,” he began tentatively.</p><p>“It’s nothing new,” Anakin replied and shrugged.</p><p>“No, but it’s been getting <em>worse.</em>” Obi-Wan replied, feeling helpless.  </p><p>“It’s my job to protect you and make sure that you’re healthy and safe, which means that if we have to go down to Master Che- if it means I have to drag you down there, then I will,” Obi-Wan stated firmly.</p><p>“Good luck with that, we’re the same height now,” Anakin replied with a scoff.</p><p>“Anakin,” Obi-Wan said sternly.</p><p>“I’m not giving you a choice- you can either get up on your own or I <em>will</em> drag you myself.”</p><p>Anakin huffed, but after a moment he slowly sat up and threw the covers off of himself.</p><p>“Was that so hard?” Obi-Wan asked.</p><p>
  <em>Yes</em>
</p><p>“No,” Anakin grumbled as he stood up, and then immediately crumpled to the floor again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>yes- this is happening to anakin because sidious keeps shocking him with lightening and his growing body can only take so much</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. yellow rose</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>may the fourth be with you!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Anakin,” Obi-Wan began softly, his voice breaking the tense silence in the room.</p><p>On the bed that was by his side lay Anakin, an arm thrown over his face, his knees bent with his feet flat on the bed. His other arm was draped across his stomach, and there was an IV tap coming out of that arm.</p><p>“We need to talk,” Obi-Wan continued and sighed wearily.</p><p>He didn’t know where to begin, but he needed to start somewhere. A part of him regretted the words that he had said earlier- but if he had known that Anakin had been this unwell, he would have sent him down here ages ago instead of waiting until he had to catch a convulsing padawan in his arms. Instead of yelling for a medic who came and looked far more concerned as Obi-Wan would have liked as he was holding Anakin, who was far less responsive than he would have liked.</p><p>“About what?” Anakin asked as he moved his arm away from his face slightly so that he could turn to look at Obi-Wan, who was sitting next to him, leaning over with his fingers laced together and his elbows resting on his thighs, his chin resting on his fingers.</p><p>“You should have said something. Had I known that you were feeling this poorly, I would have sent you down here ages ago.”</p><p>“It wasn’t that bad,” Anakin replied with a shrug as he looked away.</p><p>“I think the healer who found you would beg to differ,” Obi-Wan said as he leaned back into the seat, unlacing his fingers, and crossing his arms over his chest.</p><p>Anakin didn’t say anything again, and Obi-Wan found himself staring at the white floor, before looking up and staring out of the window, watching as the speeders passed by in the daylight. The sun cast shadows on the buildings across from them, and Obi-Wan watched as their shadows changed shape as the speeder traffic changed.</p><p>“Master Kenobi?” A young girl asked as the door opened and she stepped inside.</p><p>There was a padawan braid that was hanging over her shoulder, the rest of her hair was pulled back in a series of intricate braids that came down to her waist, adorned with golden jewelry that matched her eyes.</p><p>“My master would like to speak with you,” she continued.</p><p>“In private.”</p><p>“Of course,” Obi-Wan said as he stood up from his seat, taking one last look at Anakin before following the girl out of the door and down the hall where Master Che was waiting.</p><p>“It’s serious, isn’t it,” was the first thing that left Obi-Wan’s mouth once she had pulled him into a private place.</p><p>“That’s not the only problem.” Vokara replied, her voice stern.</p><p>“Can you please explain why Padawan Skywalker is showing symptoms of prolonged electrocution torture?”</p><p>“What?” Obi-Wan asked, taking a step back, his voice sounding far away to his own ears.</p><p>“What are you talking about?” He asked her as his heart dropped to his stomach.</p><p>Her eyebrows shot up, but the frown on her face didn’t move.</p><p>“He has the signs and symptoms. Nerve damage being the biggest one, but there are other ones such as an irregular heartbeat, seizures, mood swings, headaches, muscle spasms,” she stopped talking and took a moment to soak in Obi-Wan’s expression.</p><p>“You… didn’t know?” She whispered in shock.</p><p>“No!” Obi-Wan exclaimed, and then exhaled sharply through his nose.</p><p>He needed to control himself.</p><p>And he needed to have a serious conversation with Anakin.</p><p>“No,” he said again, his voice back to its level tone.</p><p>“I didn’t know.”</p><p>“And I’m guessing that Anakin didn’t tell you anything,” he added on.</p><p>“That’s right.” Vokara confirmed while nodding, her lekku moving as she did so.</p><p>“And I was hoping that perhaps, you had an answer, but it seems as though you are just as surprised as I am.”</p><p>“I don’t know where he could have gotten…” Obi-Wan trailed off.</p><p>“Tortured.”</p><p>He stopped to think for a moment. Perhaps this was a long-hidden side effect of Anakin’s past? Before he became a Jedi?</p><p>“How old is the damage?” He asked.</p><p>“It is recent, but from what we were able to gather through several tests, this has been going on for a few years. Our biggest concern is how this could affect the growth of his heart, brain, and nerves.” Vokara replied, her expression finally softening as she realized how little Obi-Wan knew.</p><p>“Is there… anything at all that you can think of?” She suggested but Obi-Wan shook his head.</p><p>“Years?” He echoed, and she nodded.</p><p>“I was hoping that you would be able to get through to him, and also…”</p><p>“I will have to tell the council about this. I’m sure you understand,” she added on and Obi-Wan nodded numbly.</p><p>“Of course,” he replied.</p><p>“Since we don’t know who is responsible for this, and some of the injuries seem more recent, it’s safe to assume that not only has this been going on for a while, but it has been going on regularly as well. We might need the council’s help in figuring out who has done this.”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>“But for now,” she stopped and sighed.</p><p>“Our priority should be taking care of Skywalker.”</p><p>“Of course.” Obi-Wan said again, knowing that it was his job to take care of Anakin.</p><p>A job that it seemed, he wasn’t doing as well at as he thought.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>yes i had to ask if IVs are a thing in star wars. they are!! the more you know</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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